Somewhat Attenuated
Allo allo from the land of… something… something. Yeah, I don’t even know right now, ha ha.
Things continue to stay afloat, for which I am grateful. I’m especially grateful because I am having the worst luck with taking my Seroquel at night. If I take it around 8 or 9, it punches me out in a few minutes. If I take it any later, it doesn’t kick in for a few hours, and then I wake up even groggier in the morning. There’s going to be some amount of groggy just because, yanno, I don’t get on with mornings, but there you go.
Still, there are good things to note amongst the spots of bad. This morning, I caught myself feeling very self-pitying and abrasive because of stupid things, like forgetting to do the dishes last night and wanting to blame every one in the house for this apparently heinous oversight. My dear husband had also left a bit of rubbish in the bathroom that my brain decided was ire-inducing as well, and I just… powderkeg much? Except it wasn’t. Somehow. I told my husband the things I was cranky about and that I loved him and valued him, and felt like I’d managed to healthily emote my ire without trying to take everyone in range down with me.
Still, I’m wary of my state of being, and am doing my best to keep myself occupied. Whether it be work, or Minecraft (which I am currently calling my second job), or knitting — I am doing my best to keep my hands busy. I am not completely sure that my brain is behaving right now, you know? The Seroquel does a splending job of quashing most of the intrusive thoughts, but a few are getting through. It might be that I will need to ask my psychiatrist to up my dose, but I am not quite to that point yet.
And I do have another biggun to keep my brain occupied — moving day is finally night! The rest of the carpet goes down oxt Thursday, and the removal men are booked for the week after that. That should give the paint time to dry and air out too, so much excitement in the land. Well, until I have to start cramming things into boxes and sorting them out, ha ha. But I have a lot of experience with it, so it won’t be that big of a deal once I get going.
But we’ll see! I’m just taking it one day at a time for now, and doing my best to be grateful for how good things are. 🙂
<3
lol re minecraft as your 2nd job, mine is Facebook.
Love the dress! And I thought you emoted quite well too!
Thanks, and thanks! I’ve still got a ways to go in breaking down maladaptive coping strategies, but I’m very proud of the progress I -am- making. 😀
Who says Minecraft is maladaptive lol…
Eee hee hee, I’m certainly not saying that. It’s a great way to keep my silly brain quiet. I meant more being abusive to push people away when upset because I can’t deal with their upset for me atop my own upset because I’ve been conditioned to think I am unworthy of empathy. I know better now and have learned to embrace it, but it’s taken years. 🙂
Sorry I misunderstood 🙂 YEAH that one you just described is a tough one and something I’m still working on!