I have been having the worst headaches lately. They’re sitting there right below the migraine threshold, mocking me. Such is life with bipolar, eh?

Now, I actually went to the optometrist last week. We were due for an eye exam, and I expected to be told that my eyes had pretty much disintegrated. It turns out they’re rather photogenic and structurally sound, and that my vision didn’t get nearly as bad as I thought it had. It’s still worsened enough to warrant a new prescription, but ah well. Those will be in on Friday, so I look forward to seeing if that will help with the headaches as well. It usually does more than the slight change actually reputedly warrants. Anyways, this sort of stuff tends to come in spates, so hopefully it’s on the way out regardless.

Physicality aside (that and the continued aches and pains of postpartum and aging), I’m doing pretty darn well. Too darn well, in fact. I’ve got knitting and cross-stitch on the go, and I’m baking like a fiend. I’m hoping that it’s just being in a good/stable mood, and not swinging around to hypomania. I don’t feel like I’m glowing, so it’s probably fine, but still. It slightly annoys me that I have to consider whether or not my functionality and mood are due to a swing rather than just kicking back and enjoying it without thinking about it too much. The things some people get to take for granted, am I right?

And really, with me, I only have to worry about going up for coming down. My hypomanias have always been extremely pleasant; I never really went out of control. I think. In some ways, it’s hard to remember details because things have mainly blended into a nice homogeneous whole. I know, remission/stability is the goal, and I think that I’m in a pretty good place. I need to keep asking my husband what he thinks, just because I value his perspective.

I am thinking about asking my psychiatrist to consider upping my antidepressant next time I see him/her though. I’d done some reading that suggests it could help with the OCD stuff, but then, I don’t know if it’s bad enough to really warrant treatment. ‘If a little is good, more is better’, they say. I definitely mull on that a bit. Do I actually need higher doses of anything, or do I just think that I’ll feel better for more meds? I have a history of alcohol and substance abuse, like many people with bipolar, though neither have been a factor in my life for many years predating my diagnosis. I don’t *think* I’m trying to find a high, and really, who would look for one in side effect-riddled psychiatric meds?! The joys of having to overthink everything.

Past that, today is Bipolar Awareness Day in the United Kingdom. The point is to raise awareness and understanding of bipolar and its prevalence in the UK, much like every other bipolar awareness campaign out there. As media portrayals continue to demonstrate, there is a long way to go in getting people to have an actual understand the realities and variances along the bipolar spectrum. But of course, that’s why I’m here in part, hee hee.

This year, Bipolar UK is asking for people who are affected by Bipolar (either as someone who has bipolar, or is a carer, etc) to take part in a survey:

http://www.bipolaruk.org.uk/bipolar-awareness-day/

I’d rate it a pretty important survey to take part in wherever you might be, so do try to chip in your two cents if you can!

Hope everyone is doing well.

<3