‘Tis the Season (For Colds, and Maybe Hypomania)
November is past now, and I’ve come down from the high of writing my novel. I’ve tried to cut back on writing so that I came down properly, and now I’m pretty confident that I made it through and after without triggering a depressive episode. I was really cross when I did that to myself in 2012, because I love December and winter and it made me very grumpy to be depressed from pushing myself too hard!
And while I am fairly confident I managed to get through unscathed, I get stuck with that annoying thing that most of us with bipolar do — am I in a good mood//happy, or is it hypomania? I’ve had a few moments were I’ve just felt so freaking happy that I have to stop and take stock, ha ha. I’m pretty sure they’ve just been happiness, but. I guess that’s just a side effect of being healthier on the whole. I can feel moments of pleasure and joy in smaller, ‘lesser’ emotions than hypomania now. I can look around at my home and my family and feel the joy of satisfaction without feeling like it’s not due to me, or that it’s not a valid emotion, or… any number of things. I’m sure this is coming out a jumble to people who don’t know what I’m talking about. Oh well. *laughs*
My main health niggle of current, though, is physical. I have rather severe chronic fatigue, likely due to yet-as-undiagnosed endometriosis. My maternal aunt and grandmother had to resort to hysterectomies to get a quality of life back, and I’ve had to square myself up to being okay with that possibility before going in and asking. Having said that, birth control has come a ways in the intervening years, and there are more doctors amenable to setting one up to not have periods through various birth control means. I need to do some more research to see what the best option(s) is/are, but I am feeling that it might also be a halfway point on which I can get a doctor to meet me on… and then hopefully recommend me on for a laparoscopy (only way currently to diagnose endometriosis).
While I absolutely know that this is my problem and has been for almost 20 years now, it’s really hard to get doctors to take it seriously because, like mental health issues, it’s invisible to the naked eye. And of course, there’s an inherent sexism too; while my main doc is great on mental health things, he shuts right the way down on female health issues. So thankfully, there’s a female in the practice now that I can take this too, and I really should make myself do it sooner rather than later. I know from after my first pregnancy just how huge a difference it makes when the chronic fatigue is gone. I had hoped for such a reprieve this time around, but it’s been worse, and then some.
And as I cannot think of anything further to add, I won’t. I hope everyone is doing well out there.
Doesn’t it make me mad that we can’t just be HAPPY – that we have to suspect hypomania any time that we are!
Hope you get the endometriosis taken care of!!
Man, seriously. When I was younger, I didn’t want to be happy — I wanted to be content. Because happy meant up which meant there’d be a down and stop this swinging I want to get off! So actually being able to be happy and be pretty sure it’s just that… bliss, right? 😀
And thanks! I really need to quit talking and get moving on that. I’ll confab with the husband today and see about getting booked in in the next week to see the lady doctor. Hopefully that’ll put the fire under my feet that I need to get my checklists and supportive evidence and all that together.
Congratulations on writing your novel. Enjoy your good cheer. Best of luck getting a doctor to check your uterus.
I had endometriosis in my late 20s. I was cramping every other month like I used to cramp when I was in my teens. Saw a gyno and he told me about endometriosis which I’d never heard of before. Had the diagnostic laparoscopy as day surgery (in in the morning; out in the late afternoon.) The reason for the cramping was one ovary was “stuck” due to the endometriosis. He told my family he “unstuck it” and I was fine.
When I went to get my stitches removed, he put me on birth control pills. I’d never been on them before. I also did not know I was bipolar or anything else because this was before they got out of control and made themselves known to one and all. I spotted every single day AND went into a really bad depression. Finally, I threw the pills away. Everything went back to my normal.
Good luck with everything!! Please remember to ask about side effects. I know that’s been many years ago, but still . . . be aware, girl!! 🙂
Oh totally. I’ve avoided birth control like the plague for fear I’d go completely homicidal from my preexisting mood swings. So I’ll definitely want to step warily though, though it’s certainly worth considering.
It’s harder to get my endo taken care of because it doesn’t effect my fertility. Ridiculous that people think that’s the only reason to treat it, when anywhere from 50-70% of women with it don’t have fertility issues. I’m pretty sure mine is localised in the bowels, so I am rather concerned that there’s a degree of fusion (and with bowel stuff, it takes some more serious surgery to clean it up). I’m hoping that now that there’s a female doctor at my office that I can get it all taken more seriously.