I live! Honest!

Okay so, I’ve been way lax on posting because one of my computers has been problematic. One of like, three that are mine that I could have been blogging on. But because my brain has assigned the writing tasks to this specific one and it was having problems, I couldn’t actually write because my anxiety would shut me the hell down. And as it were, the computer is still not quite okay, but the current temporary solution makes me feel a lot more relaxed about things (the tl;dr — graphics card fubared, tried to switch to onboard, broke things badly, reinstalled the os, borrowed old graphics card from an older computer). I have a feeling that most of the people reading this can probably understand the importance of routine being maintained, though I can also hope that nobody has a brain that is stuck being quite that rigid.

Of course, after a gap, I’m not exactly sure what to say. I’m still here, which is obviously a big deal. I’m alive, husband is alive, kids are alive, all of which are good signs. I’ve had a few spots of GAH KILL EVERYTHING mood spiking, but I can’t decide if those were within normal realms of happening, or a sign I should up my doses. I’m always prone to lean towards upping being good, if I’m honest. Of course, the anxiety spikes were mainly related to the  caring for of my children, both of whom are wonderful little people, but yanno… definitely test a person’s patience. I’ve also had a spot of insomnia the past week or so, but thankfully, I brought a couple of bottles of melatonin over from the States a few years ago, so that helps in the worst moments.

As for physical health, I have had no luck so far getting the birth control I want due to hilariously bad circumstances. Well, I’m choosing to laugh at it, at least. The doctor who does the IUD/IUS/etc installs at my doctor’s office was first out on emergency, then has leave to burn (???), and now they don’t know when he’ll be back. That was a month of my time wasted, and another period to go through. There -is- a clinic at the hospital, but I’m not 100% sure they do fittings. We’re going to find out about getting in there to be seen, and go from there. I’m still very determined to try to get this important factor in improving my physical and mental health sorted.

I’ve also been happily putting pedal to the metal — husband found where the pedal exerciser had been stashed during the move in the past month or two. It’s nice ’cause I can use it while sitting here at my desk, which works well with chronic fatigue. I don’t know if it’s doing me any good one way or the other… probably. It’s nice to be able to enjoy it without trying to think too much about being ‘healthy’, or ‘losing weight’, or any number of other things that rob the joy of movement. I am enjoying the movement, and that is really and seriously the main thing. I’d love to be able to enjoy more out-of-chair movement, but yanno, see above paragraph.

Hope everyone out there is doing well, and hopefully, will be back to posting more regularly now!

<3