Her Name was Ulla
I found out yesterday that we had lost another member of our tribe, pseudonym blahpolar. I also found out yesterday that her offline name was Ulla, and I am certainly in agreement with the rest of the Bipolaratti that said name should be remembered. You should join us in remembering her and her name on the 10th.
Heh, off to a disjointed start. That’s pretty much what I expect this to be on the whole. I feel like I should be full of words and meaning and memory-sharing, but like… I guess I’m just in shock. I knew she wasn’t doing that great, even if I wasn’t the best blog poster or commenter. I’d actually been debating emailing her for some time to check in, since she’d gone unnaturally quiet. That was the opposite of my concern when I brought her into The Bipolar Blogger Network — I told her she posted. A lot. And that it wasn’t a bad thing per se, because it wasn’t. It was just a bit overwhelming to pick through to vet her blog properly. And it was a good blog, headed by a talented writer and artist with her own slant on life. They say that on the internet, only about 1% of its denizens are net contributors, and she certainly was.
Aaand that sounds stilted and formal. Good job, brain. ¬¬
But really, what do you say in these circumstances? If Ulla had been my BFFFFF, would stand up and say, ‘What a magnificent bastard’. I’ve told bat that — he isn’t allowed to die unless he can pay for me to come to his funeral to say that. I think that Ulla might have liked that as well. I didn’t know her as well as some other folks (read Dyane’s amazing tribute here), but I certainly liked her. But I feel really really awkward when people tell me that they are sorry for my loss. Much like Wendy before her, I cared in the way I care about all my fellow Bipolaratti… but it’s not like they were my BFFs. I mourn their losses because they were people. I mourn their losses because people I know and like, and people I don’t know and/or don’t like are suffering. Sometimes mourning seems all that I can contribute. Is there an afterlife? Are our lost comrades looking down, knowing that they are missed? I’m somewhere in the agnostic-apathetic range and not really sure that I believe in gods and God and an afterlife. I guess I hope so, if only so people can go to a place where they don’t hurt anymore.
Anyways. Ulla. You magnificent bastard. You were pre-missed, and now post-missed, but never forgotten. In your honour (dubious as that might be), I’ve started an In Memoriam link section on The Bipolar Blogger Network, right under the main bloggers category. I’m half-tempted to add Wendy’s url, even if she deleted her blog before her death. Because you’re still part of the family to me, and well… just want to do my bit.
Well done. I really love the title btw.
Thanks. It just seemed really important in my head.
I wish I could do her even better. She was a good egg.
You are so sweet, Raeyn.
I wasn’t even going to write about Ulla. Then my daughter said, “Mom, you should write about her” whhich was unusual – she neevr says that to me, LOL. So I wrote a rather maudlin post (I think that’s the right word) but Ulla wouldn’t care….thanks for linking and for the compliment. It made my day.
Your post is real and true and I love it. I love your writing and always have….and Jeez,
I just realized I REALLY miss reading your blog. I cut down to reading a handful over the past year for a variety of reasons all related to stress, but I’m coming back to you!!!!
Please forgive my absence….I lost out!
Aw, no hard feelings. I understand self preservation. I’m rubbish at making the rounds like I’d want to. *hugs*
I just wrote a comment and it was gobbled up. :((( Drat!!!!!!! I
Long story short – thanks so much for linking. I love yor writing. I love what you wrote here. I miss your blog. I’m coming back as of this very second!!!!!!!
Wow – my original comment made it through somehow.
While I’m here I might as well add (because I know you’ll understand how I feel, although I’m not comparing the gravity of my condition to yours) that I’ve had severe afternoon fatigue over the past year. I’ve done blood tests, taken some supplements, & neither my gp or pdoc can figure out what could be going on.I didn’t change my meds’ dosages at all since 2013.
CFS hasn’t been mentioned by either doctor as a possibility.
The fatigue was another reason why I cut out 98% of my blogs.
I’m doing better as of the past week, but I have no idea why.
I want to catch up on your blog. I plan on doing so to see how you’re faring & I hope you’re doing well!
Sorry to go on and on. I’d rather write on your blog than wake up two grumpy children. 😉
I hope they figure it out! Mine seems a bit better since getting a Mirena IUD last year, but I’ll never be 14 again (the last point when I had ‘boundless’ energy).
The tl;dr is the mental health stuff is doing good, so I’m quieter here than I ever mean to be. Most of my focus has been going to my three dailies, while trying to get my head in gear to do network evals and make the occasional post on my crafting blog. Yeah, I might expect too much of myself, ha ha.
Thanks for adding the “in memoriam” section, Raeyn. Xo
I thought it fitting. It’s a small gesture, but I wanted to do my part in helping note her permanent mark on our lives and the internet at large.
Too right. Everything. “Magnificent Bastard.”
Well said. I’m glad I know her name now. She was a great blogger. I hate that this happened. I hate this disease. I just…….hate.
Thanks for posting about this.
It’s been really sobering for me. Like, I get it — bipolar kills, and we’re going to lose a lot of people along the way. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.