Whatever to Say
Well, starting with the ‘I’m still here, I’m alive’ is probably a good place. It’s the truth. Mentally I’m doing quite fine, though I’m worried about that. I’m not worried so much because I have a bad time of the year, or think that something bad is going to happen, but because mental health services locally are getting jostled around. I *think* that it won’t out and out affect me, but it still has me concerned. Between the UK government and the local council, they keep trying to ship out or shut down all of our local hospital services, never mind that doing that would leave a gaping hole preventing people from having relatively easy access to the A&E, children’s A&E, maternity, and so on.
Physical has been the main bitch, one part of which I am pretty sure Depakote is responsible for. My glasses broke, requiring me to default to glasses from four years ago, which meant we finally got off of our backsides and booked in for our slightly overdue eye tests. Oddly enough, my eyes got *better* on Depakote, which made the glasses I had too strong. When I was talking to the optometrist about it, I think that I can probably the fairly regular headaches on that. I know they’ve been even worse-er-er since having to use the old glasses. At least the new ones will be ready on Monday, so hopefully I can see that go past.
There’s also all the crap that hasn’t been fixed, and has probably been worsened by getting that Mirena IUD a few years back. My chronic fatigue is worse, my periods got weirder, my weight keeps going up… not that I mind being a fat girl, but I can’t do anything about it without risking my mental health. tl;dr trying to moderate that triggers some really severe fixating OCD and I end up fucking up allllll the layers of my health. It’s not worth it for something that has an almost guaranteed chance of failing in both the long and the short run (not to diss on those who prioritise this — we all live our lives as we see fit). So we’re going to book in to see about getting that sorted, and getting the husband’s vasectomy sorted out. That was always in the cards IUD or not. I just want to have a freaking physical quality of life. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable. ><
But yeah, use that as a sign as to how solid my mental is. Even feeling worn down and foggy and achy and miserable in those regards, I feel sane and happy for the most part. There’s a few people in my limited social group that are rubbing against me and triggering some anxiety, but I can almost take it on the chin. Family things are great — my parents are still out of my life (3 years and counting!), while my family here is all good. I’m still happily engaged in my hobbies (if not blogging about them quite as much as I mean to!), and doing a better job of keeping my daily blogging efforts going. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t’ve split my blogging efforts so many ways, but it made sense at some point in the past. *chuckles*
Anyways, yo. Maybe some day I’ll feel spoony enough to get caught up on things like the network, and figuring out why some of the blogs aren’t percolating through. For now, dord.
Pingback: Glowingly Red – Raeyn[Dot]Com
Glad to hear you’re doing well despite the challenges!
You can tell your mental is solid through your writing, and reading it lifted me up and inspired me. Don’t worry – I won’t quote “Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong” song lyrics, although I might have to do this…
I’m so glad that you’re doing well despite the challenges –
I could tell your mental was solid through reading your post, which lifted me up and inspired me, and it made me think of THIS song, hee hee hee, which I feel obliged to share.
Take care & keep at it!