Grumpy, but Trying
Yeah yeah, I know, I fell off the radar again. The tl;dr is that my brain continues to be fine in the not swinging sense, crap in the actual spoons to do anything sense, and for my body? Hooboy. The chronic fatigue has gone from bad to ridiculous in the past year, to the point where I need a walking stick to do the school run (it’s just over half a mile round trip by foot).
So like, the only ‘bad’ brain stuff I have lately is in dreams. I’ve had the weird occasional spot of feeling depressed in my dreams, to the point of actually tasting and feeling the chemicals. Thankfully, those weren’t dreams where I woke bolt up thinking it was actually happening, so that’s something. Really though, it’s been rather resilient — and that includes having been dealing with a bullying situation for most of the past year. Don’t worry about that though guys, that situation has long since lost its ability to cause me distress. 🙂
So while that’s good, the whole able to function thing is… well. I can’t say limited per se, because I manage my daily writing, and I manage to do a good job of work, but I have less left after those things than I used to. I can’t remember the last time I was able to properly make the rounds and visit other peoples’ blogs, which… well, I’m past the point of caring. I want to be able to care and to go a-visiting, but I don’t have it in me. Of course, those of you seeing this are probably completely understanding of how that goes, so thanks in advance for understanding. I’m hoping I can try to find a little bit of energy to direct towards doing some basic maintenance for the network, but I make no promises.
Really, the bulk of my issues are body-related. Weight aside (thanks meds and IUD!), the chronic fatigue package comes with feeling like I’ve got the flu all the time. I’ve got various aches and pains by default. I occasionally have dizziness which may or may not be related to that, but is something I’ve been dealing with since I was a stick figure of a human anyways. I’m in day after next to get blood taken for testing, so we’ll see if any new and fun gremlins have popped up. I’ve taken to using one of the walking sticks we bought for geocaching for anything that isn’t to the car and back, if only to help prevent worse back pain.
((I’ll add here that I am not looking for advice or suggestions to try and help pain and fatigue, or ‘weight management’. Offering such is asking me to go ballistic AND pedantic on you and let’s just avoid that, kk? <3))
Still, I do a pretty good job of keeping myself cheerful and sane, so that’s something.
I won’t make any promises to come around more. Like I said, I don’t have a lot of spare mental spoonage these days. But I hope I can make myself drag corpse this way. As usual, if you need more immediately confirmation I’m alive, poke me on Twitter or Instagram.
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Wonder how long it will take “mental spoonage” to get into the phrase dictionary!
Keep on keeping on!